10) Smoking:
Ok, I know, smoking?! What in flying fuck, are you talking about. To you naysayers, I say, look at that picture? Without the death stick he's just a douche in some avaitors, with it hes the equivilent of a death elemental. Killin' kids to the left, moms to the right and even himself. The essence of being a badman is fucking shit up, and what better way to start than by fucking yourself up, and taking some naysayers to hell, whilst looking fucking awesome. Besides, if you know where the picture comes from, you would agree that he is a badman.
9) At an oportune moment bum rush your neighbour, and lay down the law:
Picture this: It's 3 a.m. and a God awful racket begins to caress your eardrum, like a wilderbeast. This invasion would not stand against a badman. So to make your status known to all around, you get into your neighbour's base and kill all his doodz and claim that his base now belongs to you, and whilst in there you steal some phat lewt.
8) When shit hits the fan, charge into battle carried by inferior beings, whom you could easily crush, but others cannot.
This rule should only be used by intermediates. Badasses do not instill fear into the hearts of men, only badmen controlling a horde of badasses whilst on a manly man powered land boat can do that. It also helps if you have a 6ft somthing sword, and your name is Guts. Hell, if your name is daisy mc flowers, and you know dynasty off by heart, you are a badman. So, if you can convince some planet crushing ape-men to carry you, you sir are a badman.
7) Merk as many super heroes and villains, and proceed to shatter there anuses with phalic might (if you are female, use the furry of your mamory glands) as physically possible.
If you find yourself at a loss here, think nothing of it, we all know super people do not exist (well except for demi-liches, they fuck shit up! Semi-liches are even fucking worse). However, you can find atheletes or local legends whom hold badman sway, find them, anniholate them and then publicly denounce them. Like, good'ol Thanos, he got the job done.
6) Blatantly lie to your bro for comedic effect.
Ok, ok I could of came up with a better title name, and even a more relevant one. However, a true badman has comedic timing. In order to be the ensemble darkhorse (which is where the real badmen really (usually) lie) you must remember rule, 1) You are more likely to be remembered if you have comedic timing, and you take down your bro in the process, bonus points if he's your brotagainst.
5) When ever a magic user is revealed, end him/her.
Fenris... Ahh, dragon age, the closest thing bioware have made to baldur's gate. Strangley enough, I love me some D&D powered rpgs, but have an extreme disdain, for mages. Fenris shares my view. Mages, and their fucking imprisonment fucking spells cost me numerous hours (namely a lich, who miss placed his body) on other games they are no sweat, but in D&D they rule supreme. So, real badmen know to take 'em out first. Cowled wizards also share this view, however they are fucktards who seemingly show disregard for their own poxy rules, hence leading to the deplorable state of rue and lement (quote by Phillip J. Fry, well sort of).
4) Creating a masterpiece, only to stop for reason such as playing video games which revolve in "loli" grooming.
For those who are not familiar with Kentaro Miura, and his "discrepencies" I shall enlighten you. In, the late 80's Miura came up with some badass shit which in a few years would become Berserk. For a few years he smashed shit out in a slightly peculiar pattern. Then came the anime, which shitfucked peoples brains (some of which had not read the manga) and left people in an agonising state, however, people realised the most badass ending ever was, not the most badass ending ever as it was not the ending. Despite this shimmer of hope, he has constantly tormented his readers by his shady schedules. However, no news has annoied people as much as how much miura did. He, may aswell of invented trolling, he concluded that he should take a break to play a video game which involves grooming young idols to become the next big thing, in a very pervy manner. That my friends is how you become a badman in the field of writting. Props to the man for his badman levels, and the awesome shit in his mind.
3) Taunt and confuse a young boy's sexuality.
Evangelion 2.0 (2.22) brought a whole heap load of change, but none was so epic as changing the darkhorse that is Ryoji Kaji into the king of all trolls. He was straight up trolling, first he buys shinji a coffee, then he ask him on a date... Then he gets up in his face, and tells him "love has nothing to do with gender", then makes him work for the coffee. Badman. This type of ploy is badman, despite Anno removing my favourite badman quote, this sort'a made up for my lack of change. You also have to have balls made of steel to do this because a) you may get some teen tongue which you dont want b) you may get a one way ticket to ass rape town (or if your a girl, you'll be treading in the "uncanny valley", or in blunt terms your head up a massive vagina).
2) On your day off, relax. Drink a few brewskis, beat some kids, then drink some more.
The chinese electric batman having a nice day off! For, me honestly I was gay for Hei the second I saw the intro to darker than black. I was disapointed in the shitty ending, and the show itself for not living up to what it could of, however it was pretty damn good, and as I said Hei was the shit. Then came season 2 ( and gaiden) he was relegated a bit, but looked like a hobo, liked to drink and beat some moeish kid. Fuck yes, definate Gar inductee. (Plus fuck Archer, hes not even manly enough to be gar even though he is the reason for gars existence) I watched that shit for his garness, he isint even that gar. Anyway, after the second season the first season got better, and the second ending was even shitter than the first (even though it made the first season better and the ending better). Anyway, badmen live a hard life, and need to relax too. The key to become a badman relies in the art of relaxation aka, kid stompping and brew dranking.
1) Raping your bestfriends love intrest in front of them whilst stiring into their eyes, whilst they are pinned down by some demons (Bonus points if its to some gar dude).
Ok due to the sheer nature of the title, I will not give the picture first. This is due to the obvious massive spoiler which should be fucking enjoyed by fucking everyone, especially badmans. Also after the epic spolier and description, I will give examples of which will be included in the "cementing your badman status" guide at a later date.
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Ahhh, Berserk, took me 3 times to thoroughly enjoy it, mainly because I was told it was fucking awesome, I thought fuck you. Im going to spite you and not pay attention, but then I did, and it led me to the, novelisation/animesation of awesome gar manly homoerotic epic badmaness, which is berserk. Ok, your shits hit the fan, you fucked up bad due to (what you believed a betrayal) banged royality, got fucked up for a year. Then your saved by the dude who userped you badman status, and the loyalty of your number 2 and your cohorts, but you still kinda dig that hes fucking gar to the max. Then, you get a shady deal, for all your cohorts inexchange for epic power. A badman takes said power, the directly uses it for spite. Fucking love a bit spite, badmans do. Bonus points to Griffith though, because the last thing Guts saw in his right eye, was femto (Griffith) raping Casca.
Okk thats it the examples I promised are dun dun duh! Raping aliens, bossing demons around with a big fucking sword, sacrificing your homies (related to the above) and many more. Oh, by the way my last section didnt do berserk justice, genuinley it is fucking awesome, but i didnt want to spoil much except the spite, so I was pretty damn breif.
Next week, I talk about how coffee and its darkness indicates your badman status!
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