10 Bromances, to last the ages.

Before I write this, I must say numerous epic bromances are not here, such as sherlock and watson, Butch and sundance. However this, is not to say I do not relish their homoeroticism, nor think their love was in anyway less manly nor strong as the burly guys on the list, just that these are my personal favourite bromances.

However, now I must commence the list of epic manly man love, and what better way to kick it off, than with a burly man and his love for his Giant space hamster, Yes it's Minsc! However, not with boo..

10) Bhaalspawn and Minsc

Despite the novels portraying Minsc as ginger, and in general weaker, husk of a man than if you opted to be good or atleast not a demon, in Baldur's gate 2 Minsc would be your ever faithful right hand man of "Righteous Butt-kicking!". The reason he made my list was because of my devotion to, what can only be described as the magnum opus of the pc. Every play-through I kept Minsc, his berserker strength combined with his dimwitted charm made him a shitfucking tank, and a fucking awesome tank at that. However, he is truely and utterly devoted to your hero and will stand by him through everything, well, maybe he'll quit if you murder a few villages, but thats ony natural.

9) Sousuke and AL

What the flying fuck!? Theres only one fucking dude in that picture! But wait! The Robot is his bro! What? The robot you say? Fuck yeah. Ok, I could of went many ways with Sousuke (no homo, but then again the bromance is all about the manly man love). Like Kurz, Shinji hell I could of thrown in Tessa or Lemon as his bro (or even Gauron for the lulz). However, for me, Sousuke and AL by the end of the books, become the greatest man on robot bromance ever. Bursting out of an American army base, in a blaze of glory, in Al (who now inhabits a van, but would like to become a Trans am). Their bromance becomes complete when (epic spoilers are ahead, but fuck it if you look your ass move for not fucking reading the shit, you just read to find said fucking spoiler, jerk ass. Ok spoiler alert done, all Leonard's plans have fucked up, Kalanin got partially owned by a tiger (well he got owned by a helicopter, but the tiger was the origin of the problem). However, nukes are headed on the way. Shit. I've finally became a man, and I was about to make it with a hot chick, fuck. My best friends and my girl are safe though. Al, gives him a letter, cries, doesn't want to die. Al then reacts (even though, he totalled got fucking decimated by belial) he puts Sousuke in a tube and saves the fuck out of him, so they can live another day to be snarky to each other.

8) Starscream and Megatron

Now, you may be wondering, why Starscream? Why not soundwave or another faithful lackey? You just answered your own question. Starscream and Megatron are possibly the greatest robot bromance ever, I know I said that about Sosuke and Al, but that was MAN on robot bromance. The key here is that Megatron never off's (well, he does but thats beside the point) Starscream, because of his usefulness and the fact that they clearly have sexual tension. Starscream, pines over megatron, he lusts for his sweet metal ass, albeit to take his throne, but that is a simple ruse for the robotic-man love they share. The reason they are involved in a bromance is because Megatron admires Starscream's tenacity, and the fact that he's the only one who doesn't suck his ass clean. I mean, come on look at that fist! He's quite clearly jerking him off in his mind.

7) Teddie, Brotagonist and Brosuke.

Ok, originally this place was going to be filled by Minato x Stupei x Bryoji as I prefer 3 however, since you can't actually have social links with them in the games, the relationship doesn't feel as bro-y as it should. However, in the manga, fun times. Also you may be wierded out by Teddie's alice cosplay, I found this picture, and the drag competiton ensues epic lulz, and the picture has all three in (and Ryoji as the cheshite cat). They, are possibly 3 of the bro-iest bros in any video game, because the snark they share with each other, the fact that they gossip bout tha ladiesssssss with each other is always a plus. Originally, it was just gonna be Brosuke and Brotagonist, because of their epic final social link, where they brawl. However, because on the last day, they had a 3 muskateer vibe (they where originally on the list but d'Artagnan makes them a 4 pack, which is not cool).

6) Link and Kuroda

Just shy of 5, two of the manliest men to ever be called men, Charles Bronson and Toshiro mifune. Their manliness, makes my penis whimper in fear of their masculinty. This was a tough call, because, Bronson shares roles with Alain Delon, who is also the shit. However I opted for their bromance, because of their ending (which sadly replaced Butch and the sundance kid in this list). Gauche, (who happens to be Delon) merks Kuroda, and offers Link the loot from his heist, but because of their journey Link was now bromantically tied with Kuroda and his sense of honour, avenges his fallen bro, and takes his sword back to his leader, so that his honour may remain, bros to the end. The origin of the manliest bromance can be seen here:

5) Guts and Griffith

Possibly, the most homoerotic bromance on the list, albeit a bit one sided. For anyone who doubts they had a short lived bromance, I say this, any bro who can have a water fight with his bro who is naked, must either be gay or in a bromance, and because no bumming occured between the two, their bromance was a bromance. However, it's still unclear whether or not Griffith just thought of Guts as a posession, or a friend. I personal think the later, and because he was the only person he deemed his friend is what made for the short term cause of the eclipse. However, my words cannot describe the bromance, as well as one video can, now look at this video, which is the best way to witness the bromance without watching or reading the epic tale that is Berserk:

4) Mitchell and George

For me, their bromance is possibly the closest to a real life bromances, despite coming from a vampire and a werewolf, albeit that was part of the show's charm. They share the views that all males share, we don't talk about emotions - we drink, and we watch tv. That is how we deal with emotions, however, if our programmes is not on we go berserk, and let our emotions go into a trival problem, so they don't shit fuck our mind. The ending of the 3rd season, despite being pretty damn predictable, was still a heart wrenching moment, in their bromance. Now, watch this clip and experience, dialogue like no other, "9:30 EVEN A FUCKING KID KNOWS THAT IT'S REAL HUSTLE TIME" <- Ok, not entirely accurate, but who gives a fuck watch the clip:



3) Spike and Angel

By, an odd strand of fate, vampires have been placed next to each other on the list, and no I'm not talking about Spike and Angel, I was refering to Angel, Spike and Mitchell. Wierd how shit works, well, how I ordered shit anyway. Despite habouring negative feelings towards each other, you know, that snarky comments are the sign of the bromance. Despite, constantly telling each other of these feelings, deep down they love each other. Angel however is jealous of Spike's awesome, I.e. the whole, weekend in the basement rant, which sadly I could not find, however I could find a clip of awesome, which will be at the bottom:

2) Apollo and Rocky

Where to start? Fuck it everyone knows Rocky and Apollo's gay lust, and manly befriending. Originally, they had beef, due to Rock being, well a noob, but losing only by an inch, untill the rematch where Rocky taking him (even though, shit he's carl fucking weathers and he WOULD FUCKING ANALATE Sylvester). Apollo seeing Rocky's poor state befriended him via training leaving us the most homoerotic scene ever (unless you count top gun, but fuck cruise. Im, all about the Apollo). Instead of letting you thoroughly fucking enjoy the living fuck out of the beach scene, here is a picture which somes it fucking up in one awesome fucking moment of excellence:

That picture is fucking epic.

However it sadly

Missed the

No.1

1) Satou and Yamazaki

My favourite bromance. If you have seen the show, you would know. For fucks sake, they become bromanticly involved, because of their quest to make a "Gal game" and eventually take over the market, and become epic motherfuckers. However, due to their otaku personalaties, they often become obsessive over certain details, especially Satou. Porn is the first major case of this, however the most epic in their bromance, is the MMORPG. When Satou starts playing one, he meets a girl, who helps him grind. They share, a love so prefound it would make any female whimper in her tights (that was a fucking awful analogy). Then, she requests to meet up, suddenly she says shes here -> in comes Yamazaki. In order to snap him out of his crazyness and get back to the gal game, he seduced him. They, are bros amongst bros who are allways their for their bro's with beer, but not food. Also, oddly enough, the english voice actors seem to be bros, quite a lot, I even sort'a mentioned one of their other incarnations (Sousuke and Shinji). I couldn't find the moment I wanted to show, so here take this and start from about 3 mins deep, unless you want to watch it all: 





10 easy ways to become a badman.

After reading a troubling article about a poor man whom wanted to become a fabled badman, but alas knew not how to achieve the level of awesome required, I decided that I would compile a list of easy ways to become a badman. These actions are however, in no way easy. They do however cement your deserved place as a badman. For those who want to be "badass" look elsewhere, badasses are pansies by default, as they are the heroes who inhabit the greyish morality zone who arent nearly awesome enough to become badmen due to their lack of comitment to a team. Also, you may want to check the bottom of the page, as it has the blogs namesake, which in itself is pretty damn badman.

10) Smoking:                                                                   

             

 Ok, I know, smoking?! What in flying fuck, are you talking about. To you naysayers, I say, look at that picture? Without the death stick he's just a douche in some avaitors, with it hes the equivilent of a death elemental. Killin' kids to the left, moms to the right and even himself. The essence of being a badman is fucking shit up, and what better way to start than by fucking yourself up, and taking some naysayers to hell, whilst looking fucking awesome. Besides, if you know where the picture comes from, you would agree that he is a badman.     

9) At an oportune moment bum rush your neighbour, and lay down the law:

Picture this: It's 3 a.m. and a God awful racket begins to caress your eardrum, like a wilderbeast. This invasion would not stand against a badman. So to make your status known to all around, you get into your neighbour's base and kill all his doodz and claim that his base now belongs to you, and whilst in there you steal some phat lewt.

8) When shit hits the fan, charge into battle carried by inferior beings, whom you could easily crush, but others cannot.

  

This rule should only be used by intermediates. Badasses do not instill fear into the hearts of men, only badmen controlling a horde of badasses whilst on a manly man powered land boat can do that. It also helps if you have a 6ft somthing sword, and your name is Guts. Hell, if your name is daisy mc flowers, and you know dynasty off by heart, you are a badman. So, if you can convince some planet crushing ape-men to carry you, you sir are a badman.                          

7)  Merk as many super heroes and villains, and proceed to shatter there anuses with phalic might (if you are female, use the furry of your mamory glands) as physically possible.                                  

If you find yourself at a loss here, think nothing of it, we all know super people do not exist (well except for demi-liches, they fuck shit up! Semi-liches are even fucking worse). However, you can find atheletes or local legends whom hold badman sway, find them, anniholate them and then publicly denounce them. Like, good'ol Thanos, he got the job done.

6) Blatantly lie to your bro for comedic effect.

Ok, ok I could of came up with a better title name, and even a more relevant one. However, a true badman has comedic timing. In order to be the ensemble darkhorse (which is where the real badmen really (usually) lie) you must remember rule, 1) You are more likely to be remembered if you have comedic timing, and you take down your bro in the process, bonus points if he's your brotagainst.

5) When ever a magic user is revealed, end him/her.

Fenris... Ahh, dragon age, the closest thing bioware have made to baldur's gate. Strangley enough, I love me some D&D powered rpgs, but have an extreme disdain, for mages. Fenris shares my view. Mages, and their fucking imprisonment fucking spells cost me numerous hours (namely a lich, who miss placed his body) on other games they are no sweat, but in D&D they rule supreme. So, real badmen know to take 'em out first. Cowled wizards also share this view, however they are fucktards who seemingly show disregard for their own poxy rules, hence leading to the deplorable state of rue and lement (quote by Phillip J. Fry, well sort of).

4) Creating a masterpiece, only to stop for reason such as playing video games which revolve in "loli" grooming.

For those who are not familiar with Kentaro Miura, and his "discrepencies" I shall enlighten you. In, the late 80's Miura came up with some badass shit which in a few years would become Berserk. For a few years he smashed shit out in a slightly peculiar pattern. Then came the anime, which shitfucked peoples brains (some of which had not read the manga) and left people in an agonising state, however, people realised the most badass ending ever was, not the most badass ending ever as it was not the ending. Despite this shimmer of hope, he has constantly tormented his readers by his shady schedules. However, no news has annoied people as much as how much miura did. He, may aswell of invented trolling, he concluded that he should take a break to play a video game which involves grooming young idols to become the next big thing, in a very pervy manner. That my friends is how you become a badman in the field of writting. Props to the man for his badman levels, and the awesome shit in his mind.

3) Taunt and confuse a young boy's sexuality.

Evangelion 2.0 (2.22) brought a whole heap load of change, but none was so epic as changing the darkhorse that is Ryoji Kaji into the king of all trolls. He was straight up trolling, first he buys shinji a coffee, then he ask him on a date... Then he gets up in his face, and tells him "love has nothing to do with gender", then makes him work for the coffee. Badman. This type of ploy is badman, despite Anno removing my favourite badman quote, this sort'a made up for my lack of change. You also have to have balls made of steel to do this because a) you may get some teen tongue which you dont want b) you may get a one way ticket to ass rape town (or if your a girl, you'll be treading in the "uncanny valley", or in blunt terms your head up a massive vagina).

2) On your day off, relax. Drink a few brewskis, beat some kids, then drink some more.

The chinese electric batman having a nice day off! For, me honestly I was gay for Hei the second I saw the intro to darker than black. I was disapointed in the shitty ending, and the show itself for not living up to what it could of, however it was pretty damn good, and as I said Hei was the shit. Then came season 2 ( and gaiden) he was relegated a bit, but looked like a hobo, liked to drink and beat some moeish kid. Fuck yes, definate Gar inductee. (Plus fuck Archer, hes not even manly enough to be gar even though he is the reason for gars existence) I watched that shit for his garness, he isint even that gar. Anyway, after the second season the first season got better, and the second ending was even shitter than the first (even though it made the first season better and the ending better). Anyway, badmen live a hard life, and need to relax too. The key to become a badman relies in the art of relaxation aka, kid stompping and brew dranking.

1) Raping your bestfriends love intrest in front of them whilst stiring into their eyes, whilst they are pinned down by some demons (Bonus points if its to some gar dude).

Ok due to the sheer nature of the title, I will not give the picture first. This is due to the obvious massive spoiler which should be fucking enjoyed by fucking everyone, especially badmans. Also after the epic spolier and description, I will give examples of which will be included in the "cementing your badman status" guide at a later date.
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Ahhh, Berserk, took me 3 times to thoroughly enjoy it, mainly because I was told it was fucking awesome, I thought fuck you. Im going to spite you and not pay attention, but then I did, and it led me to the, novelisation/animesation of awesome gar manly homoerotic epic badmaness, which is berserk. Ok, your shits hit the fan, you fucked up bad due to (what you believed a betrayal) banged royality, got fucked up for a year. Then your saved by the dude who userped you badman status, and the loyalty of your number 2 and your cohorts, but you still kinda dig that hes fucking gar to the max. Then, you get a shady deal, for all your cohorts inexchange for epic power. A badman takes said power, the directly uses it for spite. Fucking love a bit spite, badmans do. Bonus points to Griffith though, because the last thing Guts saw in his right eye, was femto (Griffith) raping Casca.

Okk thats it the examples I promised are dun dun duh! Raping aliens, bossing demons around with a big fucking sword, sacrificing your homies (related to the above) and many more. Oh, by the way my last section didnt do berserk justice, genuinley it is fucking awesome, but i didnt want to spoil much except the spite, so I was pretty damn breif. 

Next week, I talk about how coffee and its darkness indicates your badman status!